I Drank the Spider Tea

A true story by Morgan Chambers

I find spiders tremendously distasteful!  Call it Arachnophobia I don’t care I just hate those filthy little creepy six legged stowaways. They always seem to show up when you least expect them in places they certainly should not be!  Thank goodness for the bug man and his spray and my handy can of Raid.  I mean you’re sitting up on your bed watching TV and you begin to become sleepy so you get up and turn the light on to fluff up your pillows and there on your favorite 500-thread count pillow case is a gruesome looking black spider staring back at you.  He runs when he realizes he’s been spotted and repels towards the floor but to no avail.  You jump back in surprise and the moment he hits the floor and heads off in a fully 6 legged sprint to the closest wall…  BLAM!  One less creepy crawler in this crazy world.

Well with all that in mind, one evening a few months ago I decided it was time for an evening tea.  I live alone out in the countryside and alas, my housekeeping is not always shall we say, stellar.  Our adventure in toxic potions begins here.  You see I have this cute little wooden rack at the end of one of my kitchen cupboards and on that rack hang a set of decorative coffee cups.  For some unknown reason, (probably that all the other cups were in the dishwasher) I reached up and grabbed one of the coffee cups in question and set in on the counter ready to receive its teabag.

FATAL ERROR!  The kettle boiled, the boiling water was poured, the tea was steeped and the milk was added. (I’m English so take a little tea in my milk or so I am told)  As it happens, it was dusk and you know how sometimes you don’t turn a light on when you probably should until it gets really dark and then you suddenly realize…  Oh, it’s night time which is electric light time!  Anyhow, I DID NOT turn the light on and proceeded to read the evening news on my computer as I sipped my cup of English tea.  When I reached the bottom of the cup expecting to slurp up every last delicious drop, something sort of hard fell into my lips.  Immediately I knew that I had poured boiling water on a (possibly live) spider and his essence had become an integral part of my cup of tea experience!   Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!  My mind whirled as the full extend of what I had done became my reality!  Would I get sick or catch some awful infectious disease from the little varmint or perhaps would I take on spider like capabilities and have to go off looking for a spandex costume like some real world Spiderman.  After spending more than a few minutes spitting and spatting into the kitchen sink as if it would make the entire ordeal go away, nothing happened.  I just stopped thinking about it and life went on as usual.  I then took all the cups off of that little wooden rack and placed them gently into the dishwasher with all the other cups in the house.  Oh and I now do a thorough inspection of all cups before using them.  I can’t believe I drank the spider tea!